I consider criticisms as eye-opener for me. I am imperfect. I have lots of flaws like you reading this blog. There are times, it takes me to silence because I have done somebody wrong. I am not here to please everybody. I am here to live my life and if you want to be part of it, you are very much welcome.
People think of me as mataray, masungit, unsociable. That’s true, I am. I prefer a small group; I am not comfortable with social events, parties or gatherings. Ironic because I am talkative, opinionated and outspoken. I love to talk and to read. I remember when I was in college; I used to read all the broadsheets in the school library. Now, thanks to the internet, I can check news from politics, environment, social issues, sports and even showbiz. I am so opinionated and outspoken to the point that I am now trying to control it for there are times my opinions do not matter. One of the things I have been trying to fine-tune is my listening skill. I am not a good listener because I tend to talk a lot and I lose focus easily.
I have a problem, its building trust. I find it hard to trust people. Now, I am still on the process of little by little opening a part of me. Writing has always been a part of my journey. If I am happy, I write. If I am sad, I write. When it comes to personal issues, I’d rather write than talk about it. Ironic? Yes it is. My personal space cannot be invaded easily.
If somebody will ask how I am right now. My answer is, sakto lang. I am not happy but I am not sad. It does not mean that I am not thankful with all the blessings the Lord has been showering me. I am thankful I have my family, I have a job, I have my friends. My nanay and tatay are the best parents in the world providing and doing everything for their children. I have a career that challenges me, requiring me to learn and adjust to new things. I am blessed that I work with the best people. Now, I will enroll to obtain my master’s degree. It’s for my personal growth. My friends are just few, but I know I can count on them if worse comes to worst.
I stopped learning when I encountered a personal problem. I became depressed for quite some time but nobody noticed it. I was wearing a mask back then. I laugh because I need to laugh and not because I want to laugh. During that period, tinamad ako mabuhay, tinamad ako matuto ng bago. Everyday was just another day. I let the days passed not doing or accomplishing anything. I try to tell myself I am okay but I was not. My heart was bleeding with sadness. I do not understand why those things are happening. Asking me now, I am still on the process of breaking it down. I still pray for that perfect timing. I want to enjoy life!
I am impulsive when it comes to decisions. If I want a new a hair cut, I want it done at the end of the day. If I want to but something, I’ll buy it. If I crave for something I need to eat it right away. But these are simple things; I have a decision I made that still haunts me. I have not yet forgiven myself for that decision. That was the best and worst days of my life.
I am a simple person. Maarte sabi nila, sabi ko naman oo nga. I know some don’t like the way I talk and I don’t care. I love to eat, they say I am picky with foods. I don’t like fish. I love super love colas. I am not a fan of ice cream and chocolates but I love this certain drink called chocolait and yakult also. I don’t eat a lot but I eat every two or three hours. I love smart talks. I used to watch basketball games, now I don’t have the time for it because I am into watching movies right now. I watch romantic and comedy movies but big no to horror films. I cry with sad movies. I cried when I watched I am Sam and The Notebook.
It does not sadden me when somebody is pissed off because of my existence. I know I cannot please everybody and I am not here to do that. Maaring ikaw na nagbabasa nito, naging masungit na ako sayo, na nagtaray na ako sayo, na ipinaramdam ko ung hindi magandang paguugali. I admit, I am a little bit insensitive, minsan hindi ko alam, I offended somebody because of what I said. That is why, I prefer that friends tell me if I have done something wrong. My friends are my mirror, they tell me if I have done something good and if I have done something wrong. Like I said, criticisms are welcome.
This is me. I am imperfect. If you love me I thank you, If you hate me then so be it but if you are important to me, I will make amend. Love me or hate me.
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